Recognizing infertility related anxiety
Dealing with infertility is an emotional rollercoaster
One moment you feel happy and hopeful, only to be brought back down to earth shortly thereafter. Cycle after cycle it’s the same thing. People often talk about the sadness and grief associated with infertility. But they don’t often talk about the anxiety which is so common when you’re trying to conceive.
When you have trouble with pregnancy, you may find yourself with troubling thoughts. For example, you may worry that it’s your fault or worry that you did something wrong. Or, you may worry about what others will think. You may even worry about the toll it’s taking on your relationship. These thoughts first creep into your mind. Then, they make an already challenging situation feel unbearable.
You are not alone
Many women, and men too, experience anxiety in the face of infertility. In fact, studies show that anxiety is one of the most common side effects of infertility. If you’re going through infertility therapy, some drugs may list anxiety as a known side effect. This may include clomiphene, leuprolide, and gonadotropins.
Some days it feels like you’re whole life centers around getting pregnant. As a result, you have little time to think about anything else other than the stress and pain it’s causing you. After all, your dream of a perfect pregnancy isn’t playing out as you had hoped. You may tell yourself that it’s normal to stress when you’re going through something like this. But in the back of your mind, you know something isn’t right. The reality is, these worrisome thoughts may make it hard for you to enjoy the life you used to love. If so, you may be dealing with an anxiety disorder.
Some anxiety disorder signs you should be aware of when experiencing infertility include:
Your anxious thoughts don’t go away or you feel stressed all the time
You can’t find joy in the things that used to bring you pleasure
You’re irritable
You have panic attacks
The Perceived Shame of Infertility
Many women feel such shame around not being able to get pregnant or get pregnant again. They say things like “it seems so easy for everyone else, what am I doing wrong?” This leads to them hiding their pain. But keeping this hurt bottled up inside isn’t healthy. Instead, it only makes things worse. Or, you may have opened up and been vulnerable with your loved ones about what you’re going through. But, then they tell you something like “don’t worry so much, it will happen when it’s the right time,” “stress doesn’t help your chances of getting pregnant.” or even worse “enjoy trying, it’s the fun part.” These statements hurt, and can be traumatizing. They make you wonder if there’s something wrong with you. And, they prevent you from opening up to others in the future.
Over time, if these feelings go unaddressed they can take a big toll on both your mental and physical health. But, knowing how to cope with these feelings isn’t easy. Contrary to what some may believe, you can’t take your mind off of them or forget about them. They’re a part of you and your journey.
As an anxiety therapist, I work with many women and couples going through infertility. So, I know how overwhelmed by anxiety you may feel at the moment. I want to give you some tips to help you cope with the emotions you’re experiencing.
Give you’re self some grace and know that infertility is NOT your fault.
Let me repeat that statement, infertility is NOT your fault. It can be easy to wonder what you could have done in a different way to avoid this fate. Or, question every move you make wondering if it’s the source of your troubles. You may worry about the coffee or wine you drink, and the food you eat. You may also worry about the exercise you partake in. Or, wonder if ending that would allow you to finally get pregnant. While it is important to live a healthy lifestyle, that’s only one part of the puzzle. There are many other reasons why you may not be able to conceive, and you may never know these reasons. But regardless, these are not your fault. It’s likely not something that is within your control to begin with. So allow yourself the things that please you. Talk to your OBGYN or fertility doctor if you have concerns about your lifestyle.
Find Your Support Network
It is vital that you surround yourself with support during this challenging time. So take a moment and think about the friends or family members with who you feel comfortable talking. Or, research infertility support groups online or in your area. Follow some social media platforms designed to support individuals experiencing infertility. Whatever makes you most comfortable.
Likewise, being on social media or around certain friends may make you sad or anxious. If so, then distance yourself from them with respect. This may include unfollowing social accounts or staying off social media for a while. Or, may it means declining invitations to baby showers or birthday parties in polite ways. That’s all okay. It’s important to focus on taking care of your mental health during this time.
Practice Self-Care
Good self-care is essential when you’re experiencing anxiety and infertility.
When I say self-care, I want you to know that I don’t mean things like getting your nails done or meditating for hours. That is unless you want to. Then in which case, that’s great! But, it’s important to realize that self-care can be as simple as taking a moment to enjoy a hot cup of coffee or tea, reading a book, or taking a scenic drive. It doesn’t have to be expensive or time-consuming. The point of self-care is to be present at the moment and care for your needs.
You’ll find practicing good self-care lessens the worrisome thoughts you’re having. It allows you to focus your attention elsewhere.
Seek Help from an anxiety therapist
You do not have to suffer in silence without having coping techniques to use when you feel anxious. An anxiety therapist can help you navigate these complex emotions and process infertility. They can also teach you powerful coping techniques and tools to use when these emotions hit in the future so you’re not stuck in an anxious state for a long period.
Begin Anxiety Treatment in Westchester, NY
Managing anxiety during this difficult time can be easier said than done. But, I would be honored to support you from my Westchester, county therapy practice where I see women from Pleasantville, Chappaqua, Bedford, and Mt. Kisco. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
Learn more about me
Start overcoming your anxiety and cope with infertility
OTHER SERVICES OFFERED BY JOANNA N. ROSENBLATT
Infertility counseling isn’t the only service I provide from my Westchester, NY-based therapy practice. Other services include anxiety treatment, therapy for women, EMDR therapy, trauma therapy, OCD treatment, and postpartum depression and anxiety treatment. Contact me today to learn more about online therapy in New York and support for sexuality and intimacy issues.