When a Friend Announces a Pregnancy and You're Struggling to Conceive
Making Space for Your Own Experience in a Season of Waiting
One of the most common and distressing experiences for women navigating infertility is how emotionally destabilizing pregnancy announcements can be. Clients often come into session saying things like, “I hate how I feel when someone tells me they’re pregnant,” or “Why can’t I just be happy for them?”
When you’re trying to conceive and facing the heartbreak of infertility, pregnancy announcements can bring up a complicated mix of emotions: sadness, jealousy, guilt, even shame. You might feel blindsided, triggered, or simply weary of how often this happens while you wait for your own turn and if this is where you are right now, there is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way.
It’s not uncommon to feel flooded with emotion in the face of someone else’s good news, especially when it highlights a personal grief you carry every day. Your response is a valid and deeply human reaction to a complex loss. And while it’s not always possible to prevent the distress, there are clear ways to manage it with care and intention.
The Emotional Anatomy of a Trigger
Pregnancy announcements, especially when unexpected, can activate a sudden grief response. They’re not just reminders of someone else’s joy—they are, in many cases, unconscious markers of what you haven’t yet been able to have. This dissonance can activate both conscious and unconscious material: longing, anger, comparison, and often, self-blame.
These are not signs of jealousy in the shallow sense. They are reflections of deep, unmet desire—and often of trauma. Infertility is a prolonged stressor that often includes cycles of hope and loss, and its cumulative effects on the nervous system can lead to a state of chronic emotional reactivity.
It’s important to name this clearly: You are not reacting “too strongly.” You are reacting appropriately to prolonged emotional pain.
Setting Boundries
Pregnancy announcements can arrive at the worst times—when you’re already emotionally stretched, after a difficult doctor’s appointment, or during a month you were hoping might bring different news. In these moments, boundaries become essential—not as a way of shutting out others, but as a way of staying in connection with yourself.
This might mean:
Stepping away from social media for a few days.
Waiting to respond to a message or announcement until you feel more centered.
Skipping a baby shower or asking for alternatives to in-person events.
Letting a trusted friend know what you’re going through so they can understand your need for space.
Boundaries are not about avoidance. They are a form of containment—putting a structure in place to minimize unnecessary emotional dysregulation. You have the right to protect your internal world while you are navigating something this difficult. You’re allowed to take space to process before reaching out or responding. A message like this can go a long way: “Thank you for sharing your news with me. I care about you and I’m also moving through something difficult right now, so I may need some time. Please know I’m sending love.”
This acknowledges both realities—your love for the other person and your need to care for yourself.
You are not shutting down emotionally, nor are you suppressing your experience. You are allowing two truths to coexist:
“I care deeply about this person and their joy, and I am also in pain.”
Regulating the Nervous System After a Trigger
After an emotional trigger, the nervous system is often left in a state of heightened arousal. This can present as anxiety, irritability, numbness, or exhaustion. While emotional regulation is a complex skill, there are simple, evidence-backed interventions that can help return the body to a more grounded state:
Breathwork, particularly long exhales, to activate the parasympathetic nervous system.
Movement, such as walking, yoga, or gentle stretching.
Journaling or expressive writing, to process unspoken emotion.
Sensory grounding, like a warm bath or holding something soft and comforting.
When these practices are used consistently, they help retrain the body to respond more flexibly to future emotional events.
Reducing Isolation Through Support
Infertility is often accompanied by a profound sense of loneliness. Because the grief it involves is ambiguous and not always socially recognized, many women report feeling like they’re “on the outside” of their peer group or extended family.
Therapeutic support—whether one-on-one or in a group format—can reduce this sense of isolation and provide language for emotions that may otherwise remain unspoken. I often encourage clients to seek out spaces where they do not have to explain the depth of their feelings—spaces where their grief and longing are already understood.
Now What?
If you’re struggling with how to respond to pregnancy announcements, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken. You’re in the midst of an incredibly difficult process, one that challenges your nervous system, your relationships, and your sense of identity.
There is no “right” way to feel. But there are ways to support yourself that are grounded in clinical wisdom, emotional truth, and self-respect.
If you need support navigating this part of your journey, I invite you to reach out. Therapy offers a space to process the pain of infertility and build the tools you need to care for yourself in an ongoing and sustainable way.