Healing Complicated Grief Through EMDR Therapy
Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s how we process the absence of something or someone deeply meaningful. But sometimes, grief feels stuck. Instead of softening over time, it remains sharp and heavy, leaving you feeling frozen in pain, unable to move forward.
This is what’s known as complicated grief, or sometimes prolonged grief. It’s a form of grief that doesn’t follow the expected path of gradual healing. Instead, it can linger for months or years, keeping you caught between yearning for what was and struggling to engage with what is.
If this feels familiar, please know: nothing about your experience is “wrong.” Complicated grief is not a sign of weakness or failure, it’s a reflection of how deeply you’ve loved, and how deeply you’ve been impacted by loss.
The good news is that healing is possible. One approach that has been shown to help many people process complicated grief is EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).
Understanding Complicated Grief
In typical grief, emotions come in waves that, while painful, gradually ease over time. But with complicated grief, the emotional intensity remains. You might find yourself replaying moments from the loss, feeling unable to accept what happened, or struggling to imagine a future without the person you lost.
Common experiences of complicated grief can include:
Persistent yearning or longing for the person who has died
Intense sadness, guilt, or anger that doesn’t lessen over time
Avoidance of reminders of the loss—or feeling consumed by them
Emotional numbness or a sense of detachment from life
Difficulty finding meaning or joy in everyday experiences
For some, grief and trauma are intertwined, especially if the loss was sudden, violent, or traumatic. When trauma symptoms accompany grief, traditional talk therapy alone may not be enough to reach the parts of the nervous system where the pain is stored. That’s where EMDR therapy can offer deeper healing.
What Causes Complicated Grief
There’s no single cause of complicated grief, it develops through a combination of emotional, relational, and situational factors. Everyone’s grieving process is unique, but certain circumstances can make it harder for the brain and body to process a loss naturally.
Some factors that may contribute to complicated grief include:
Sudden or traumatic loss. Deaths that happen unexpectedly—through accidents, suicide, or medical emergencies—can leave the mind in shock. When the brain doesn’t have time to prepare, the grief response can become frozen in trauma.
Unresolved conflict or guilt. If there were tensions, misunderstandings, or things left unsaid with the person who died, feelings of regret can complicate the grieving process.
Loss of a central attachment figure. The death of a partner, parent, child, or other deeply significant person can shake your sense of safety and identity, making recovery more complex.
Multiple or cumulative losses. Experiencing several losses in a short time—or on top of past trauma—can overwhelm the nervous system’s ability to process each one fully.
Lack of support. When grief is met with isolation, judgment, or the pressure to “move on,” healing can stall. Compassionate connection is one of the strongest predictors of recovery.
These factors don’t cause complicated grief in every case, but they can increase vulnerability to it, especially when the loss also intersects with trauma. Understanding the why behind complicated grief can help bring self-compassion: you are not “stuck” because you’re doing something wrong. Your brain and body are trying, in their own way, to protect you from pain that felt too overwhelming to face at the time.
Adapting EMDR for Complicated Grief
EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a trauma-focused approach that helps the brain process memories that remain “stuck” in the nervous system. Originally developed for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), EMDR has been found to be equally effective in helping people heal from complicated grief and loss.
During EMDR sessions, you’ll be guided to recall aspects of your loss while engaging in bilateral stimulation—through eye movements, gentle tapping, or alternating tones. This process activates the brain’s natural healing system, allowing distressing memories to be reprocessed and integrated in a healthier way.
When used to treat complicated grief, EMDR can help you:
Reduce the intensity of painful or traumatic memories surrounding your loss
Work through feelings of guilt or self-blame, creating room for self-compassion
Reconnect with positive memories of your loved one that may feel overshadowed by pain
Soften the body’s stress response to reminders of loss, allowing for more calm and balance
Restore your ability to engage in daily life, relationships, and moments of meaning
You don’t forget the person you’ve lost. Instead, EMDR helps the emotional charge of the memories shift, so you can remember them with love rather than being pulled into unbearable pain.
What Healing Looks Like
Healing from complicated grief through EMDR doesn’t mean “moving on” or leaving your loved one behind. Rather, it’s about creating space to hold both your love and your loss. It allows you to carry the memory of the person in a way that feels peaceful and grounded, rather than fragmented and painful.
Clients often describe the experience as a gentle release. The memories are still there, but they no longer feel overwhelming. They notice they can think about their loved one without being flooded by emotion, or that they can reengage with parts of life they’d shut down to avoid pain.
With EMDR, grief becomes something you can carry, not something that carries you.
Integrating EMDR with Other Healing Practices
While EMDR therapy is a powerful standalone approach, it’s often most effective when combined with other forms of support. This might include mindfulness practices, journaling, gentle movement, or rituals that honor your loved one’s memory.
In therapy, we might begin by strengthening your sense of safety, helping you ground in the present and develop tools to regulate your nervous system. As you move through EMDR processing, these supports help you stay connected to your body and emotions in manageable ways.
Healing complicated grief takes time. There may be moments of relief, followed by waves of sadness. The goal isn’t to rush your healing, it’s to create a pathway that helps you feel more whole, integrated, and connected to life again.
The Role of Compassion in Grief Recovery
So often, people experiencing prolonged grief blame themselves for not “getting over it.” They might compare their healing to others’, wondering why it feels so hard. Compassion, both from others and from yourself is a vital part of recovery.
EMDR helps foster that compassion internally. By quieting the nervous system and reducing the intensity of self-blame, it allows space for understanding: Of course this loss hurts so deeply. Of course this takes time.
When we bring kindness to the parts of ourselves that are hurting, the path forward becomes softer and more possible.
Get Support
If you’re struggling with grief that feels complicated, heavy, or unrelenting, you don’t have to navigate it alone. EMDR therapy offers a structured yet compassionate way to help your brain and body release the pain of loss—so you can reconnect with peace, memory, and meaning.
As a trauma-informed therapist trained in EMDR, I offer a supportive space to help you process loss at your own pace. Together, we’ll work to understand what’s keeping your grief stuck and create a pathway toward healing and reconnection.
If you’re ready to take the next step, I invite you to book a session or reach out to learn more about EMDR therapy for grief and loss. Healing from complicated grief is possible and you deserve the care and support to get there.